I’m not going to pretend that I never watch porn. Lately, I’ve been feeling a shift in my attitudes toward it though.

I do think that porn is a symptom of a problem. A symptom of a problem that sometimes hurts people. Or rather, it, combined with our really confused values about sex, combine into a perfect storm of unhappiness.

There’s a lot of porn that does push forward harmful attitudes about sexuality, gender, and power. It generalizes a few very specific scenarios of sex into the norm. I don’t think that the kinds of sexualities depicted are wrong; it is wrong if you’re being forced into participating in a scenario just because that’s what is expected of you.

I hate how porn, coupled with America’s hatred of sex that can’t be commodified, forces people to be sexual in a way that they aren’t comfortable with. It prevents people from truly learning their OWN desires or those of their partner. It becomes more important to conform to this idea of sexuality than it is to figure out what works for you and that is. so. unhealthy.

If you likes whips and chains and being called a whore when you have sex GOOD FOR YOU! Are you actually okay with having cum on your face? GOOD FOR YOU! If you don’t and prefer something entirely different, GOOD FOR YOU! If sex just isn’t your thing, GOOD FOR YOU! Being your true sexual or asexual self is always going to be good for you. 

Don’t worry ya’ll. I’ll wake up tomorrow and realize this is all a horrible, expensive and ill advised idea. Or, I won’t? I didn’t get a graduation party… I deserve to do something mildly indulgent, right?

I’m thinking about flying to California and driving back (thinking about it in the part of my brain that believes I can afford this). It’s weird but something is pulling me back there. October of last year I flew out to pack up my old apartment and help my ex drive back.

I kind of feel like I want to do it again, but alone … a pilgrimage of sorts?

I could rent a car at SD airport and return it at Midway. Hmmm … can I do this? If not this year, definitely next year. It’ll be cheaper if I wait until next year (my 25th will have passed). Or … I could just do it a B-day present to myself?

But then I’d have to deal with snow and I really want to take the route I took before.

Friendship rule #73: If you want to interrupt hanging out with a friend to see a guy and your friend agrees to not be mad about it, you need to at least make out with him.